Chapter 44 - The Next Morning - from my book Changes

Chapter 44

The Next Morning

The next morning my husband and I had some talking to do.  He wanted me to go back to our home in Florida with him, I didn’t want to. We were supposed to be in Oregon for another week or so and my husband was being so good to me.  Catering to me and showing me a devotion that had been absent for years.

My worry was that once I was back in Florida with him, his behavior would eventually become abusive again.

I settled for going to a couple sessions of marriage counseling with him.  He didn’t really care for it, but went as a requirement.  He talked me into going back to Florida with promises and extra loving treatment.

We went to Florida when our Oregon trip was over.  His behavior was very good for a few weeks before it eventually deteriorated into his usual cycles of being irritated and lashing out verbally.

Looking back, I realize that had I known then what I know now, and had more experience at that time, I could have possibly changed my relationship with my husband.  But back then, I had not yet really stood up to him consistently, nor had I had the growth or experience to do so.  That would come gradually, over time and hard work.

The next stage of my story started a few months later when I went away to another class, The Seven Levels of Quest, run by Malcolm Ringwalt.  Once the class was over, I had a plan to head back to Oregon and help my sister set up a yurt on our new property.

As I was preparing to leave for the class, I decided I was going to stay in Oregon after setting up the yurt.  I was going to tell my husband I didn’t want to be married to him anymore.  I was afraid.  I was not afraid I would be in any danger; I was afraid because I was stepping off into the unknown.  I was not prepared to be a single mother with 7 children still at home.  I had no career.  I was completely dependent on my husband financially. But in my mind, at the time, I had a property I could live on with my kids … in a tent if I had to.

When my husband dropped me off at the airport to go to class, I was so happy.  I had finally made a decision to be free from the abuse and because I was putting off telling my husband, I was not facing the actual telling quite yet.  I was smiling, kissing him goodbye, and practically jumping for joy.  He couldn’t have known yet why I was so happy, and remembering my happiness confused him later, when I told him I was not coming home.

During the Seven Levels of Quest class, I told people I was leaving my husband.  I think I wanted to make it public, if only to that little group of people, I wanted to say it out loud and have people hear it.